So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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