the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
