I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
