If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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