Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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