Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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