I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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