I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
