i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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