this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you never un-have a 4some
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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