Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
