the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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