hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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