I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You did what with his pubic hair?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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