It's Friday. Sex?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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