So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
