I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
