Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think i have herpe
just one?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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