How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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