Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
