It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
