Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
