do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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