i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
