some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
