You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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