he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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