Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All the doctor said was why
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
