so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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