He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
