Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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