Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
