I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
