i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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