Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
