first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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