1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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