after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
