Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
