My first STD was from a foam party
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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