The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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