are you still at the devil's house?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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