I met the friendliest cop last night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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