The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
