What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
