You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
