I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
