Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
