One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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