dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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