I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
