I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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