So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
