im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
