Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
